The power of forgiveness

By far the strongest poison to the human spirit is the inability to forgive oneself or another person. It disables a person’s emotional resources. The challenge is to refine our capacity to love others as well as ourselves and to develop the power of forgiveness. Forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else. It’s something you do for yourself. It’s saying, “You’re not important enough to have a stranglehold on me”. It’s saying “You don’t get to trap me in the past. I am worthy of a future”. These sayings hold such a significant meaning in my life, the power to forgive yourself as well as others are very essential when going throughout this difficult journey we call life. So many things have encountered throughout our lives to shape us into the individuals we are today. Developed characteristics and personalities originating from past mistakes, lessons learned, heartbreaks, and etc. All of these things making us into who we are. I can only speak of this topic, by first experiencing it for myself. So much has transpired throughout my lovely 26 years of life that it would literally take a book series to tell it all, but that’s at a later note, so until then I’ll just give you a little piece of my past and how forgiveness was so needed for me.

Within the last 2 years I’ve experienced so much, from heartbreaks, family drama, losing 2 babies, being mentally unstable and so much more. So starting out with when I met my ex 2 years ago, whose name I will not disclose of. Everything started off good, but like most relationships, it’s not too long before those hidden signs start making their way to the surface. He became comfortable, he knew that I would do anything to make him happy. I can say that’s the cancer in me. Literally, my horoscope is cancer; how ironic right? Yeah well moving along. He became comfortable and I became neglected. I also at the time became pregnant, OOPS…So after 5 months of carrying my child, stressing, fussing, and crying, I lost my baby. At the point the relationship grew worst, I became angry and depressed and he became impossible to deal with. So after trying to end the relationship, he decided that if I tried to leave him he was going to kill me, my 4-year-old daughter at the time, and himself. Thankfully the neighbor heard us fighting and me screaming for my life and called the police. It’s safe to say that it didn’t end well for him.

After dealing with the most traumatizing situation of my life, I was very lost and found myself in yet another similar situation. Which brings me into last year. I was in yet another toxic relationship. Seeking love, understanding, and comfort. I found myself settling with someone I knew wasn’t for me. I also found myself pregnant again. I know they say “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is insanity”, but at that time I really was just lost. I was unhappy, stressed out and lost my second baby. One week after losing my child for the second time my partner walked out on me, leaving me to deal with all the pain both physically and emotionally. During those periods in my life, I became very bitter and angry at everyone.  It hurt me to see the sight of another pregnant woman, I literally would break down and cry. I hated all men and hated the thought of God. I felt as if he betrayed me, that he abandoned me, I felt abandoned by everyone. I was in a very dark place and in that place I suffered from depression and suicidal thoughts. I felt as if I was losing my mind. I turned away from family, my closest friends, and most importantly I turned away from God. I just hated everyone, including myself.

In doing so, holding onto the hurt, it physically took a toll on my physical and mental wellbeing. I’ve had family members who’ve betrayed me and hurt me. I lost my job, which only added fire to my burning flames. The reason I shared these two stories with you, is because those were my 2 of the lowest points in my life. I felt worthless, I felt betrayed and abandoned. But I knew I had to do something. I was tired of being miserable, I was tired of feeling that way. So I had to let it all go for my peace of mind. Those who don’t know, the more you hold onto a grudge and not forgive, the more you give the situation and individual power over you. They literally control your wellbeing and I knew enough was enough. I had to first forgive myself. Forgive myself for 1. Allowing someone power over you. 2. Putting myself in the position to be hurt. I had to take ownership of the life choices I made and forgive myself for not putting me first.

We often lose sight of ourselves and what we deserve trying to please others. So it took me being alone, away from everything and everybody and recollecting my thoughts. I can’t say that I am fully healed because I am human and it takes time, it’s a process. But you have to start somewhere. You have to forgive and let go. Even if they don’t deserve it, even if they are not sorry. I had to forgive people who still think they did no wrong. Always remember forgiveness it never for them but for you! It’s allows you to be free. Let go of what’s hurting you, the longer you hold on, the more it will hurt and the longer you will stay stuck in the past. If you want to be free, if you want to heal, you have to forgive. Everything that I have spoken on means so much to me, forgiveness is absolutely necessary in order to heal and move on. Allow yourself that, you deserve it. Whomever is reading this, I pray that in some way it has been helpful to you and thank you for allowing me to share my truth. Peace and blessing my kings and queens. –Selah

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