One of my biggest challenges that I still face is self-correcting. Often times, It takes an external force to make me realize I could have handled a situation better. We are human beings so we all experience pain, self-doubt, and worthlessness. We also are emotional creatures; our emotional responses to certain situations can help or hurt us. When we are hurt, we carry that hurt and act out. When we are angry, we carry our anger and take it out on others. I can understand hurt people and angry people, because I have been mad at the world. The beauty of self-correcting is it increases self- sufficiency and internal skills.
It takes time and work to realize your faults and it takes effort to self-correct and move on. Before you self correct, you must reflect and be aware that your energy will always affect those around you.
What is self-correction?
Self correction is
Self-correction is not feeling guilty or shamming one-self, it is realizing your behavior can affect your relationships and life negatively. When you self- correct you are bettering yourself not downing yourself.
This year for me has been the year of self-correction and change, and honestly, it has made me aware and accountable. It also made me uncomfortable, admitting faults is never easy and neither is admitting you need to change. Below are 5 things I had to do to Self Correct:
1. Ask for Help:
This has helped me tremendously. Reach out to a mentor, someone who you trust and ask them to help you. Talk to them about a situation that happened or is happening that made you angry or act out. Ask them, “how would they have handled that situation” and ask them, “what can you do in the future to avoid acting out.” I have plenty of people I go to advice that has real-world experience under their belt.
2. Apologize and mean it.
When you are in the wrong and know you are in the wrong apologize. Don’t just say sorry, do it in action, and try not to make the same mistakes twice. Even when you think you are not to blame, you must realize that you are an adult. Adults have responsibilities and usually, adults are independent, placing blame on others doesn’t get the problem to solve it creates more problems. If you keep escaping blame, you will wonder why you keep missing out on amazing opportunities. And you will also wonder why you keep getting tangled in the same situations.
3. Own up to it.
Who are you? One of the most heartbreaking things is to find out someone isn’t who they say they are. The older I get, I realize that I have to own up to my mistakes. When I own up to them, I am least likely to make the same mistakes twice. Owning up to my mistakes makes things clear. Nowadays when I get mad or angry, I walk away or calm down and revisit later. I have also given in to anger and I hurt people. When I realize my own actions caused another person to be pained, I immediately am remorseful; I apologize and I change by self-reflecting and looking for ways to manage my anger.
4. Be Vulnerable.
It is okay to ask for help and it is okay to be open with yourself. If you want to self-correct and change, you must be vulnerable to yourself. Don’t fake things with you. Even if it is painful, be real. And if its too painful seek therapy or counsel. I had to go to therapy and learn ways to cope. Therapy taught me how to have better communication with my loved ones and it has improved my relationships across the board.
5. Be Gentle, Love and Move On
You will find in self- correcting that some people will not accept your apology. And that is okay they don’t have to. If they can see you are remorseful, they will eventually accept it, give them time and move on. When they are ready they will reach back out. Learn to love yourself even though you are critiquing yourself. From each encounter learn what you can from the situation and decide to grow.
Since you are reading this, I know you are ready to self-correct.
When you are self- correcting be gentle with yourself. Be patient, give yourself permission to make mistakes and give yourself permission to correct yourself. It is a process: patience. If you want to be the best version of yourself, you can’t skip the important steps, every step is vital.